Temptation: Who’s to Blame?
Marriages are known to be the next step of commitment in a romantic relationship. After someone has grown to know and trust their partner, they are ready to stay by their side until the last days of their life and beyond. Although married couples promise to be loyal, there are scenarios that can possibly lead to negative outcomes. For example, a married couple needs help from a housekeeper or babysitter to take care of their needs. Sounds simple, right? But here’s a catch! The worker looks young, curvy and overall attractive. What’s the problem with that? In most cases, a husband or wife avoids hiring an “attractive” home worker. In my opinion, I don’t think a married couple should avoid hiring home workers that are attractive. Why is that?
Lets start with the obvious. Infidelity. That is one of the prime reasons on why some spouses do not want to hire “attractive” housekeepers. Some spouses believe an “attractive” housekeeper brings temptation in the home, but here’s why I do not agree. Looks are not limited to adultery. Temptation can come emotionally, mentally, spiritually and financially. A person does not have to look “pretty” for a partner to cheat. Sheri Stritof, co-author of “The Everything Great Marriage Book”, states “A study of 495 people revealed eight key reasons: anger, low self-esteem, lack of love, low commitment, need for variety, neglect, sexual desire, and circumstance”. A person’s looks may be a tidbit, but not neccesarily the take-all. Alright, enough about the accused. Let’s take a look on how the accuser also plays a part on why not hiring an “attractive” worker is unnecessary to me.
I have heard and seen this mindset so many times, it’s no surprise. Attractive people being homewreckers. Some are, but not all. Categorizing ‘attractive’ people as those who lack dignity and morals is a diminishing mindset to have when thinking about hiring someone. Picture this; someone is applying to work for a company and the boss rejects them because their looks are “distracting to the working environment”. Now it’s up to a person on whether or not to take that as a compliment. In my perspective, I would take it as an insult. A worker’s eligibility should be determined by their professionalism and quality in work, not how romantically or sexually intimidating they look to someone’s husband or wife. As insensitive as this may come off, “beauty is in the eye of the beholder” — The Duchess, 1878. Just because someone looks pretty to a spouse does not mean everyone feels the same.
Now, before the pitchforks come out, I’m not saying avoiding is bad because the spouse has a jealousy problem. I also have to put myself in the spouse’s shoes and look deeper into the painting. What could be the cause of the spouse being hesitant hiring an “attractive” worker? In my opinion, it could be from past relationship trauma. Kendra Cheery, MSEd states in their article, “People who have experienced some type of betrayal, such as unfaithfulness in a relationship, may develop trust issues that can interfere with future relationships.” If someone has been betrayed once or more, it is understandable on why they may be defensive. It’s similar to protons and neutrons. Any outside electron cannot pass into the field, otherwise it will destroy the field completely. But, let’s not get too scientific. Hiring an attractive worker will not instantly destroy the relationship. There should be boundaries, however if someone’s partner feels uneasy about the worker due to trust issues, the couple should have a talk with one another on how to fix that problem in a healthy manner. It’s okay to be vunerable and admit to feeling paranoid about being betrayed, but it should never define someone’s image.
As stated in the beginning, marriages are about commitment. The most important part of a marriage is trust. Both partners have known each other for so long that their trust should be strong. Be that as that may, an “attractive” worker should not question that trust. No matter how “attractive” a person may look, they’re not a threat. They’re not a competention. They’re not “beautiful” on purpose and it shouldn’t be treated as such. If a spouse feels like their partner will fall into the temptation just because of someone’s looks, instead of automatically wondering if the worker is the problem, the spouse should take a look at the person that said “I do”. They should think back and wonder if their partner really is the kind of person to leave them. If not, there’s no worry. Setting aside the worse case scenarios, a worried spouse should humble theirselves and know that they’re good enough, they’re here to stay, and a “attractive” worker wouldn’t change a thing.
